By Bruce Bethke
First Published: 1995
Jack Burroughs.
Some say he was the best.
Some say he was a complete dork.
Some call him the coolest cybernetic surfer ever to hang ten on the shoulders of the Great Information Superhighway.

Other have claimed that Marsha Vang, that cute little brunette down in Document coding, actually went out on a date with him once, and he took her back to his room in his mother’s basement and played “Weird Al” Yankovic tapes at her for four hours straight.

Here, then, for your enlightenment, we now present the true story of Jack Burroughs, solely as a matter of public service. Consider it an object lesson in the utter, unchecked, absolute evil of the modern multinational corporation-state.